behind the scenes

if you can feel that you're holy, you aren't!

a wise comment made by mother angelica. so true...

confession is good for the soul, so here goes...
i've been thinking about how selfish i am. if something doesn't go my way, i get angry, throw fits like a child, and make myself believe that my life is part of some cruel joke. not cool, i know, but don't you ever have those feelings? i hate how when God tries to bring the best out in us, we ourselves bring the worst out in us. Lord have mercy!
i do, however, love when our dear, sweet Lord gives us an opportunity to see what He's been up to behind the scenes. what a blessing! it usually doesn't happen very often, but when it does, it's a jaw dropper! i deserve nothing that i have been blessed with, and yet the blessings keep pouring down, even during my fits and rants. praise be to God, isn't He GOOD? it rightfully shames me. it often brings me to tears, makes me blush and swallow hard. He's saying "come back to Me- I'll help you with your disappointments and sorrow." and in our human minds, for some reason, we like to linger in a valley of self pity. why is that? probably so that we can bend our will to His. our will is steel, and He is the fire, that when united with Him, will melt our wills until they conform to His. it is very important that we learn this. i myself am still learning. our Lord has His hands full with a slow learner like me. but this is why i find the prayer to the Holy Spirit most helpful:

o Holy Spirit, soul of my soul, i adore You. enlighten, guide, strengthen and console me. tell me what i ought to do, and command me to do it. i promise to be submissive to everything that You permit to happen to me. show me only what is Your will. amen

Lord, help me to say this prayer and to mean it with all my heart, completely and truly.