update...fiiiinalllly:)

oh my, it's been a while hasn't it? i'll just give a few updates...
the past couple of weeks have been busy. moving, preparing for school, adjusting to living in a household that contains about four times more people than what i am used to, etc... it has been surprisingly great! it's so awesome to see how the Lord gives you the graces necessary to deal with certain situations. and it's amazing how lame the devil can get in his desperate attempts to sway you. recently, i was discussing with one of my sisters how where God is active, satan is twice as active... or something along those lines... but it's so awesome to know that even double the activity, satan doesn't hold a candle to The Almighty's Power. and he never will:) satan can't even go to the nth degree and even come close to a fraction of God's Power. the devil hate us, ya'll, and he's trying to snatch us. but never forget that his attempts are, most of the time, laughable.

there are many prayer requests, so i ask anyone who reads this to pray. some unmentionables, so i won't mention anything specific. please just pray:) as Padre Pio used to say "pray, hope and don't worry."

today is a beautiful day. mostly clear blue skies; the grass and leaves are greener than green. one of my favorite days. without the chilly weather, of course:) i thank the Lord for these past couple days of chilliness, though. but, it is still august, so i won't expect any more of those kinds of days.... for a while, at least.

within a couple of days i will be going back to the apartment to paint, clean and fix what i must. not really looking forward to it, since i would just rather be done with it. but the next year of life will be a journey, and i pray and trust that God will continue to pour the graces necessary to survive it:) (i use the term "survive" very loosely;) ) anyhoo... i'm sure there are things to be done around here, so i should get scootin'. i will try to not be such a stranger when it comes to writing in my blog:)

“A thousand years of glory in palaces of men cannot be worth the sweetness of one hour spent before the tabernacle.” –Padre Pio

so..... it's been quite a long time since i have been on here to write. i have sat down multiple times to come up with things to write, but every time was interrupted by something that required my attention more.
today has just been one of those days. you know what kind i'm talking about? well, just in case you don't, i'll talk about it.....
it's one of those days where the devil tries to attack you from all angles. whether it be through fear, anger, sadness, etc.... the devil's a d-bag and he ain't quittin'. once in a while i get thrown into a little pity party, and i think we all know how hard it is to get out of one of those. you so clearly see our Lord reaching out to you, but you're having way too much 'fun' wallowing. you're not happy about it, but you're not willing to fix it either. grrr. thankfully when you've had enough of feeling like a butt-nubbin, you run like a child into the arms of the person Who loves you most- Jesus. then you end up saying you're sorry for acting like a dweebus and not coming to Him sooner, and being the loving Savior that He is, He welcomes you back with love, understanding and mercy. thank you God for all of Your love, understanding and mercy! forgive this foolish child of Yours.

today is rachel's birthday. she would have been 21 today. what a milestone.... i miss her so much but for some reason i don't feel like i have the right to be sad about her. like as if i wasn't as close to her as everyone else was. which, lets face it i wasn't as close as, let's say, sarah. but she was still a close friend, my sister. maybe i'm scared that if i still mourn her or miss her truly openly, then people will see it and think 'she wasn't even that close to her, what's SHE whining about?' stupid little fears probably, just being stupid little ashley:) happy birthday dear sister, i DO love you and i DO miss you terribly, and i wish our friendship and sisterhood could have been able to grow over these past years. hugs and kisses and i pray that i will be able to see you again one day.

nothing else has really been going on. planning on moving soon, but those of you who read this know, i think, all about that. so maybe i will find other things to write about soon. right now it is late and i am tired:) goodnight ya'll.

happy memorial day

as we get ready to enjoy this beautiful day that is memorial day, let's not forget to quiet ourselves for a few moments to respect those who have lost their lives fighting for our great nation. God bless all those who have selflessly died for our freedoms. thank you God for the sacrifice of the brave men and women who never got to come home. may they rest in peace!

you know that the recession is bad......

when there are actually commercials advertising BOTOX.

weird, true and freaky.

it was a great day today. i ate brats, hit a couple of baseballs, and spent time with family. i also bought a new body wash that i am excited to try. it's cheaper than my regular favorite, but it smells pretty good. i forgot what brand....

i was going to go shopping tomorrow morning, and still am, but decided to go to walmart and picknsave tonight. i just thought i would get that out of the way, since i have a busy day tomorrow. so instead of having to go to four or five places tomorrow morning, now i only have to go to three. awesome, i know.

well i should probably get going. it's getting late, and i want to get my shower in tonight. maybe a movie? who knows:)
God bless us all tonight... goodnight.



oh yea, PS,
satan's an a-hole

behind the scenes

if you can feel that you're holy, you aren't!

a wise comment made by mother angelica. so true...

confession is good for the soul, so here goes...
i've been thinking about how selfish i am. if something doesn't go my way, i get angry, throw fits like a child, and make myself believe that my life is part of some cruel joke. not cool, i know, but don't you ever have those feelings? i hate how when God tries to bring the best out in us, we ourselves bring the worst out in us. Lord have mercy!
i do, however, love when our dear, sweet Lord gives us an opportunity to see what He's been up to behind the scenes. what a blessing! it usually doesn't happen very often, but when it does, it's a jaw dropper! i deserve nothing that i have been blessed with, and yet the blessings keep pouring down, even during my fits and rants. praise be to God, isn't He GOOD? it rightfully shames me. it often brings me to tears, makes me blush and swallow hard. He's saying "come back to Me- I'll help you with your disappointments and sorrow." and in our human minds, for some reason, we like to linger in a valley of self pity. why is that? probably so that we can bend our will to His. our will is steel, and He is the fire, that when united with Him, will melt our wills until they conform to His. it is very important that we learn this. i myself am still learning. our Lord has His hands full with a slow learner like me. but this is why i find the prayer to the Holy Spirit most helpful:

o Holy Spirit, soul of my soul, i adore You. enlighten, guide, strengthen and console me. tell me what i ought to do, and command me to do it. i promise to be submissive to everything that You permit to happen to me. show me only what is Your will. amen

Lord, help me to say this prayer and to mean it with all my heart, completely and truly.

sixth sunday of easter john 15:9-17

Jesus said to his disciples:
"As the Father loves me, so I also love you.
Remain in my love.
If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love,
just as I have kept my Father's commandments
and remain in his love.

"I have told you this so that my joy may be in you
and your joy might be complete.
This is my commandment: love one another as I love you.
No one has greater love than this,
to lay down one's life for one's friends.
You are my friends if you do what I command you.
I no longer call you slaves,
because a slave does not know what his master is doing.
I have called you friends,
because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father.
It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you
and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain,
so that whatever you ask the Father in my name he may give you.
This I command you: love one another."

let this be our fervent prayer, that Jesus will rip our hearts open and fill it overflowing with the same love that He has for us! God bless your sunday!

bein' a mama

as we come to the close of mother's day 2009, i think about how truly lucky i am that God has put so many lovely ladies, who just happen to be mothers, in my life. they're all different and all have their own way of doing things, but how awesome they all are! i love being mama, it's such an important job. it might not be the most fun at times, it might be tiring, it might be frustrating; dirty, uncomfortable, hectic, etc... but it is the most important job in the world. mothers are what form their children, with the help of our Lord, of course, into the people they will become later in life. mothers are there to show mercy when daddy might be a little too harsh. mothers are there as protectors, being as fierce as they need to be when their little ones are in danger. mothers are nurses, who help their sick children when they are too weak to do anything for themselves. mothers are prayer warriors, who unceasingly pray for their children when they see them hurting physically, spiritually. mothers are there to correct when necessary. mothers are teachers. mothers are night owls sometimes, feeding baby when baby needs feeding. mothers are entertainers. mothers are nurturers. mothers are all of these things and so much more. but even though mothers are purely remarkable women, we are all still not in any way perfect. but still we try, we persevere to be perfect like our Heavenly Father is perfect. we slip and fall flat on our faces every day! but being mothers, we pick ourselves up, dust off and try again. there is nothing more humbling than being a mother. sometimes we are door mats for our children to walk over, but, boy, do we know how great our reward will be in heaven! ( not because "it better be" but because of God's promises;) ). we all do our best with what we have in that certain time and situation. i have learned that. sometimes we feel like we have let others down, but Lord knows, we all try. being a mama is a hard, sometimes scary job. but with God all things are possible. how awesome it is to know that He is always there for us. He's always there to take our hand when WE feel like the children. He is there to lighten our loads, to help us drag our crosses up this mountain of life. a cross without Christ is a curse, a cross with Christ is a blessing. every suffering has it's purpose, and Lord knows, as mothers, we have many of them. but it's so worth it, to have your little one look up at you and tell you they love you. all of the little things they bring you. all of the compliments they give you.... and most importantly, how worth it, it will all be, when Our Lord looks us in the eye and says "well done, My good and faithful servant". i have hope, that despite my many faults, my Jesus knows me best and one day, through perseverance with His help, i will hear those words. thank you to all the mothers out there in my life, for your love, your support, and your awesome examples. may God bless you today on this mother's day and for the rest of your days!
*** being a mama, i was very tired when i wrote this. so if things don't make sense, oops:)

are we listening?

i just spotted a smear of grape jelly on my desk, which means that one of my little ones was eating, probably what was jelly toast, at my desk:) ah to be a kid again, in one ear and out the other.....

nowadays we can't afford to let information slip our minds. as adults we are called to be more responsible than that... but what happens when your brain doesn't work anymore.... like mine? i forget things all the time. you need something from the grocery store, so go write it down. but i'm nice and comfy on this chair right now, i won't forget, i'll write it down later. do you remember? hardly ever.... don't forget to bless and lock up the house before bed. what do you do? you usually don't remember until you are nice and cozy in bed. don't you dare forget your used plastic and paper bags for shopping at aldi's! almost every time it's the same thing: i pull into the parking lot at aldi's, make a fist, pound the wheel, and scream "son of a gun!" that's exactly what happens EVERY TIME i forget my bags. most of the time lying in bed i can't even remember what i did that day to perform a proper examination of conscience.
ah, ok. this is where the light bulb goes off. i suppose these are all good reminders of humility. we're only human and need to rely on God's constant support and grace. we need to cooperate. we're certainly not perfect, and this is very apparent in the way things so easily slip our minds (wait, when was the last time you got a bath? didn't you already eat supper? where did my cigarette go? did i put it out? or did i even light one up at all?) we are teeny weeny, and God is so big. so many times He has sent my angel to wake me up if i haven't set the alarm. i'm sure He even sends me reminders so that i don't forget those bags before i leave for aldi's. but am i listening? are WE listening? probably not as much as we should be. we must be humble and realize we can't do everything on our own. we can't do ANYTHING on our own, if you think about it. i wouldn't even be existing right now if it wasn't for the Big Man upstairs. we must constantly continue to cooperate with God's goodness. if we are not cooperating, we are not open to receive. yes, we are only human, but if we always used that excuse how would we ever become saints? in other words, yes we are only human, but are we cooperating? are we listening? are we meeting God half way? yes He can drop the graces right into our laps, but unless we pick them up and use them, there's no one to blame but ourselves. God does not shove His awesomeness down our throats. 'oh, but i'm only human, God understands.' umm, nuh uh. we're not only human, we are CHRISTIAN human, who God has set apart. He expects more from us. in the end God knows our intentions and how hard we tried to live our lives out for Him. cooperation is key. so, shhh, lets go listen.

third sunday of easter luke 24:35-48

have faith! believe! don't be a doubting thomas! may jesus' peace be with us all! have a blessed sunday everyone!

rain rain go away....

even though God's rain is beautiful, and it serves a very good and necessary purpose, it's just one of those things that i wish would happen only when you're sleeping. maybe i have just been so excited over the past couple of days with the extremely beautiful weather, being able to go outside without a dumpy sweatshirt on, not having to slip and slide all over the road because of ice, etc.... when you remember what spring feels like you never want it to leave:(.
and maybe i am a little sad that my kitty ran away and she is probably somewhere trying to hide from the rain. she might be scared, hungry, cold and wet. even though i complain about her alot, and i am sick of her peeing and poohing on my carpet, and scratching up my furniture and carpet, i still love her. and i miss her. but i hope that if she doesn't come back that God at least finds her a home where she will be taken care of. some place where they can get her declawed and fixed.

i wish i had time today to bake cookies. but i don't.

i really should clean before my house becomes super messy but i don't have time for that either.

it's really dreary outside and i don't think it's fair for weather to be able to affect moods.
a roadtrip sounds really fun, doesn't it?
i would really love a dark chocolate mocha coffee drink yuuuuum.
i recently started a compost heap, but was advised against it because of the probable attraction of raccoons and rats...ewww. maybe when i get my own house, if ever.
and somebody told me that you have a boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend that i had in february of last year.......
my mind is completely empty now. i have nothing cool to write about. i have to go get ready and get the children ready and try to ignore the dreariness of the day.....
but it's good to know that even in dreariness God is still good!
Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen!

spiritual direction from children? who would have thought?

i just came across this.... and how true it is!! what a beautiful reminder! thank You God for reminders!:) nightynight....

Children as Spiritual Directors

April 23rd, 2009 by Patrice Fagnant-MacArthur

Over five years ago, I nervously went to an open house at a local center for spiritual direction with my two and a half year old in tow (mercifully, I was able to leave the 10 month old at home!). I knew little about spiritual direction at that point other than what I read in books. Unfortunately, spiritual direction isn’t one of those things that can be explained easily in writing — it truly needs to be experienced to be fully appreciated. Still, I knew that I was at a point in my life where I needed help. All the people I met at that open house were very kind and I soon started meeting with a very helpful spiritual director and have continued that practice on a regular basis. It has been a great blessing to my life. When I went to that open house, however, I can remember someone saying to me, “You have children! You already have spiritual directors!”

At the time, I couldn’t appreciate the wisdom of that statement. After all, my children were still very small. I loved them so much, but mostly, they left me exhausted. My struggle with adjusting to motherhood was one of the primary reasons I was seeking a spiritual director. I was at a loss as to what God wanted from me. Thankfully, my spiritual director was able to help me sort it all out. In the intervening years, however, I have come to appreciate all the ways my children are helping to direct my spiritual journey.

As any mother will tell you, children have a way of bringing out all your weaknesses. Somehow, they just know how to push all the wrong buttons. Reminded of one’s failings on a daily basis, there can be really no question of what one needs to work on. Thankfully, children also give their mothers plenty of opportunities to work on those weaknesses. Every day is a new challenge!

Children can also be a mirror sharper in focus than any other. It is one thing to see your faults in yourself. It is a whole different perspective to see your faults in your children. Either through genetics or upbringing, or a combination thereof, our children often suffer from the same issues we do. In helping them to work through their challenges, God also helps us to work through our own.

Parenting also helps us to recover from our own childhood and make peace with our own family of origin. I haven’t met a person yet who escaped from childhood unscathed. Growing up is hard and painful. We tend to blame our parents for much of that pain, sometimes with good reason, sometimes just because they are easy targets. Parenting one’s own children provides a whole new perspective on those relationships. At least in my case, I know that realizing how hard parenting is helped me to forgive my parents for all the mistakes that I had felt they made. There is something incredibly humbling about knowing that, even though I get up every day and try to do my best, my children will feel that I made huge errors in their upbringing. It also encourages me to beg for God’s help. If there was ever a time when I needed God, this is it. God made my children. He is only one with the instruction manual.

Children do help determine the course of our spiritual development in ways that I couldn’t even have imagined years ago. I’m sure, as my children continue to grow into adulthood, God has many more lessons to teach me through them, even as I am helping them navigate their own paths. We will continue to travel on our spiritual journeys together.

Patrice Fagnant-MacArthur has a Master of Arts degree in Applied Theology from Elms College, and is editor of SpiritualWoman.net. She is also the author of Letters to Mary from a Young Mother (2004).

happiness...

a happy husband makes a happy wife.

i was reminded of that today:)

thank You, God!

so today, i was at todd's parents house, hanging out, having a great time and everything. the guys put up the volley ball net and i was all excited. i walked out the door, deciding i wanted to join in on the game. it was like one of those movie moments in life, you know?, where the moment is perfect and you're just having a swell ol' time. so i started skipping out to the spot that i was going to play (i'm pretty sure i was walking, but like i said it felt like one of those movie moments, so everything was in slow-mo and whatnot...) and all of a sudden a stinkin' MOSQUITO FLEW INTO MY EYE.
gross.



anyway.... it was a beautiful day today!! thank God for His awesomeness! it was the perfect day. even though i am stuck wearing this dark green sweater, it still was not too hot for me:) only in the car though.... that was a little too warm for me... but it's all good. windows are cool. because they roll down....
for dinner we ate brats and some sort of cheesy hash browns..... soooo delicious!
you know, this morning i was sitting on the computer, with my tall fan faced towards the back of my head so it could dry my newly washed hair, and i was thinking that there was one plus to me losing everything, including the quick convenience of my blow dryer, that was in my luggage on the way home from las vegas: it forces me to be more patient. silly thought i know, but if you think about it, i could usually dry my hair in a matter of minutes. now it takes me about half an hour, and after that, my hair still isn't completely dry. i have to sit patiently at the computer, or wherever, to wait for my hair to just look decent. i don't really know why i brought this up.... maybe because i don't really have anything else to say. but whatever, it was a great day and i am happy. and now i must go because my husband wants to watch a movie and i must go to him and help him make a decision before he picks a movie that we both regret..... nightynight....

waiting, waiting

Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14


my first post in my new blog! so as you can tell by my title, i'm just waiting, like the rest of you. but i figured as long as i wait, it wouldn't hurt to write about some things that happen along life's path. like today, for instance, lexi was so proud that she could open a can of fake spaghetti-os that you get from aldi, you know what kind i mean?(i would never eat them but whatev lol) i let her use the can opener and she was so excited. i don't know how she did it because i can barely do it, but just seeing how big and grown up my children are getting is exciting and scary all rolled into one. every day they learn something new, something that makes them grow up a smidgen. :( aww man.
well since this is my first post it's going to be lame... sorry. i'll write again when i have time and an interesting story to share.....