so..... it's been quite a long time since i have been on here to write. i have sat down multiple times to come up with things to write, but every time was interrupted by something that required my attention more.
today has just been one of those days. you know what kind i'm talking about? well, just in case you don't, i'll talk about it.....
it's one of those days where the devil tries to attack you from all angles. whether it be through fear, anger, sadness, etc.... the devil's a d-bag and he ain't quittin'. once in a while i get thrown into a little pity party, and i think we all know how hard it is to get out of one of those. you so clearly see our Lord reaching out to you, but you're having way too much 'fun' wallowing. you're not happy about it, but you're not willing to fix it either. grrr. thankfully when you've had enough of feeling like a butt-nubbin, you run like a child into the arms of the person Who loves you most- Jesus. then you end up saying you're sorry for acting like a dweebus and not coming to Him sooner, and being the loving Savior that He is, He welcomes you back with love, understanding and mercy. thank you God for all of Your love, understanding and mercy! forgive this foolish child of Yours.

today is rachel's birthday. she would have been 21 today. what a milestone.... i miss her so much but for some reason i don't feel like i have the right to be sad about her. like as if i wasn't as close to her as everyone else was. which, lets face it i wasn't as close as, let's say, sarah. but she was still a close friend, my sister. maybe i'm scared that if i still mourn her or miss her truly openly, then people will see it and think 'she wasn't even that close to her, what's SHE whining about?' stupid little fears probably, just being stupid little ashley:) happy birthday dear sister, i DO love you and i DO miss you terribly, and i wish our friendship and sisterhood could have been able to grow over these past years. hugs and kisses and i pray that i will be able to see you again one day.

nothing else has really been going on. planning on moving soon, but those of you who read this know, i think, all about that. so maybe i will find other things to write about soon. right now it is late and i am tired:) goodnight ya'll.